Tonight I'm in awe of how much I am missing the house that I grew up in. In short, when my father died, our house was far too big for my mother and I (or my mother alone once I moved on and found love) to really take care of ourselves. So, in essence - we sold "The House That Built Me". I am torn by the feelings I posess regarding this house. I miss this house, this location, the memories, the smell of the woods and the pond, and the air... I miss the sound of freedom all around me as 60 acres of serenity draped around us for our taking. However, I'm finding that I need to realize that I miss what that house WAS. I miss the memories. I miss the memories I made in that house, that I have to cherish from that house and I miss what that house WAS when my Dad was alive. Really, after my Dad died, that house was nothing but a dwelling. It was no longer a home without it's sole proprietor. It was a vacant cell, a dormant heart. I still own 10 acres of that land, which I hope to someday develop into a place I can frequent to revisit my Dad and his "spirit" which I'm sure still dwells in those same trees encompassing his dreams and all that he built. I guess that, sometimes I cannot even believe he's gone - and therefore can't really believe ALL the loss that I've endured since the loss of my father - as it seems to become a ripple effect. I can't help but listen to "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert and just totally lose my biscuits; especially now with Jeff gone. But, I know that this is my time now to live for and through my father and become all that I can. I guess I mostly get so mad because I see people so often mistreat their parents, hate their parents, never care to even call or see their parents - and my family is/was my world! My dad was the center in which I spun. It makes me sick..
It seems that some days are just harder than others..
"Real loss only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself." - Good Will Hunting
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
lack of motivation
I have not blogged since December. I am irresponsible. But I need to take this time to "live-journal" and express myself because being expressive is a big healing piece for me. So, count on this blog being active again! Every day I will write my daily stories, as well as photograph inspirations, annoyances, dreams, etc. The randomness of life is too be enjoyed! :)
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a little glimpse
- Mountain Sarah
- Liverpool, NY, United States
- I lost my father completely unexpectedly when I was 22 and have never been the same. I went to rehab for my eating disorder and have been in recovery for 8 years now symptom free. Must Love Dogs. I am very artistic and expressive and can hardly find time to cater to my photography business or self-expression. I work in the most life-altering profession with the highest burn out rate (substance abuse counseling). I believe that Nature is MY personal higher power, however I do accept everyones variations of religion. I could easily live off of carbs. I absolutely hate the warm weather, by warm I mean over 65 and I am not happy. I wish it was Fall (or Spring) all year round. I plan my dream wedding every other week, but fear I will never get married. I refuse to wear a white wedding dress. I hope to someday live in Alaska. I changed my major 5 times in college. I am faithful, loyal, and real. I will always have the last word, and do not ever cross me or question what I am capable of. I am also an avid Pinner, and happen to love Volkswagens and snacks. I also am an Independent Consultant for Arbonne, which I love! (earth lovers, unite!)